Don’t Worry

  ”Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:33-34

“Don’t worry about it.”

This is what Husband told me when I was in a panic last month because I had not gotten to the projects I planned to do while he was gone.  He had given me an idea of what he wanted and I decided on this huge list of things I wanted to accomplish while he was away.  The problem is, we spent just as much time playing online as we did when he was home, and I am terrible about saying I need to leave and get work done, so this list of projects did not happen.  I had worked myself up into a panic, feeling like a failure… and that is when he told me “Don’t worry about it.”

What I always fail to see until he points it out is that ”do not worry” is not a platitude or suggestion coming from him,  it is a command. Do. Not. Worry.  And so each time I begin to worry, I fight it knowing it would be disobedient to continue.   I find myself with a decision to make.  I hold in my mind 2 conflicting thoughts, his and mine.  I must choose between my beliefs that cause me to worry or his beliefs that prove I do not need to.  Since for me to worry would be disobedient, and my thoughts cause me to worry, I learn to adopt his thoughts and beliefs for mine. 

Initially it seems so inocuous.  An owner looking out for his thrall, not wanting her to worry and therefore using his position and authority to make it easy on her.  But I am beginning to see the farther reaching consequences.  I am seeing that the  beauty of it, is he is getting deeper into my head, commanding me what to think.  The possibilities are incrediable.  His eventual ability to tell me what to think in any given instance would ensure immediate compliance.    To me this is the ultimate perfection and beauty.   I would love for  him to own and have control over any thought or desire he chooses to. 

 He says everything he does is with intent.  While I am not allowed to assume what his intent is, I am sure that anything I think of, he has already thought of.  I know he values immediate unquestioning obediance above all.