Random Thoughts

I love being able to call him Master.  It reminds me of who I am and why he rules over me.  It makes me think more carefully about how I behave towards him.  And God it is hot.

Something I noticed in counselling -  The topic of my first sexual experience came up and I had to say that it was when I was 13 and yes, it was consentual.   At the time and for years there after, I used to be proud of that fact. Then for awhile I was indifferent.  It was just another tedious fact from my past.  But sitting there in the office in front of Master and saying those words out loud, made me feel so ashamed.  I didn’t want Master to think I was a whore.  The odd thing is he already knew this information but it was somehow different.   I don’t think he realised it effected me.  I wish I could have been innocent for him.

It is the same feeling that hold me back from expressing my desire fully for him at times.  I feel like if I completely let go he will think that I am a whore.  However that is not true.  He encourages me to show him how much I am turned on by him and since it pleases him, I do.

He is the first man I have ever truly desired.  With past lovers I would enjoy their touch and what they would do to me but I never craved their bodies the way I do with Master.  With Master I lose all self control.