Denial

Master likes to play quite a bit in the shower.  As far as locations go, it is honestly not my favorite.  It’s generally hot, water splashes in my face and my back hurts when I bend over to suck on him.  So considering that and the fact that I am craving some serious pain, it is inevitable that I was not going to cum from servicing him today. 

He is always so amazingly unapologetic about it.  He will converse with me  like I am not a desperate shaking mess inside, wanting to claw his eyes out for leaving me that way. 

So I wait till I thought he had left the room and grabbed my toy.  I peaked my head out of the shower to make sure I was alone, but there he was.  I said “hello” and ducked back into the shower.  I waited again until I thought he left and then asked him a question to make sure.  (I couldn’t go peeking at him again)  He had left, but heard me say something and came back in  to see what I wanted. 

When I was finally alone I sat on the floor of the shower with the water growing increasingly cool and inserted the toy.  Having to hurry in order to not freeze when the shower inevitably runs out of hot water, makes for a speedy and efficient orgasm.   I don’t have much patience when trying to get myself off.

Master is indifferent to my mastrubation so I don’t feel the need to tell him before I go fuck myself. 

I am beginning to wonder if I need this denial the way I need pain.  As much as it kills me each time he dismisses me and ignores my needs is that exactly the thing I need to be reminded of my place?